Assalammualaikum
Its been a while since i type here in this blog. A lot of stuffs happen the past few months and I'm just getting back on my feet. Since its been awhile, i will do it in months and dates for whatever happen in my life. Especially to those i remember clearly.
7 December 2018, Friday
Went to Yishun Polyclinic and i confirmed that i am pregnant with my 4th child.
13 and 14 December 2018 Thurs night and Friday
notice spotting after i went for groceries shopping on Thursday night and my 3rd born is having a fever.
15 December 2018 Saturday
Send my 3rd born to the doctor and was diagnosed with HFMD. And i started bleeding
19 December 2018 Wednesday
While Mr husband is at home looking after BabyWan who is having one week mc for HFMD, me and my first born, my one and only babygirl went to Kadang Kerbau Hospital (KKH). It was confirm that my baby has no heartbeat and I'm having a miscarriage. My heaven baby was only 8 weeks old.
28 December 2018 Friday
Mr Husband accompanied me to the hospital. Baby Heaven (BH) is still in me and still 8 weeks only. Make appt for surgery to remove BH in January. I broke down.
29 December 2018 Saturday
Started to feel stomach cramp around 4 plus in the evening after shower. After Magrib around 8 plus in the evening, I'm stuck in the toilet for almost 2 hours as i was bleeding out blood clots. It ends around 10. I was weak and almost fainted.
30th December 2018 Sunday
Went to emergency ward together with Mr Husband and BabyWan around 1 plus in the afternoon. Had a slight fever.Doctor say there are still some balance foetus in my womb. Have to do emergency washing as i was still bleeding, looking pale for losing a lot of blood and was having fever.
6pm to 7.30 pm I did went to emergency surgery for evacuation of the uterus.. Was asleep during the surgery. Stay in hospital for a night.
I was feeling broken and empty inside, and yet i still give a smile and say I AM FINE. The day where BH totally left me.
I'm not sure if I recovered from the lost, or did I move on from what had happen. My brain and my heart just keep telling me that i need to be strong and push myself to move on for my other children.
I still broke down and cry myself to sleep once in a while seeing pregnant ladies walking around or seeing baby products. It hurts me deeply, but i know BH is waiting for me in Heaven and Allah has better plans for me.
After the incident, i distance myself from my family and my in laws. They were not really there for me and i felt that i have to go through it all alone. I did not voice out anything to anyone on how i feel. I basically just keep my mouth shut. pushing myself up and move on. I started to do on line business and still looking for a job but that will be another time when i type out my blog.
I will type out my next blog soon In Shaa Allah, telling you about my online business and my experience when i went to BTS Love Yourself Concert.
Till then....
Lots of hugs, kisses and loves
from yours truly
Lyea Li (LL)
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