Assalammualaikum...
Well first of all, let me tell you the reason i have a blog. It is mostly for me to rant out my feelings, or sharing my thought my wonderful memories and to share my crochet projects that i have done. Nothing special. Its just to released stress from my daily life. Don't really like to bottle it in. Cause I know that it is not good for me. Well i usually tweet my thoughts but its just for that moment of time. My instagram is mostly pictures and videos and facebook is mostly for my games and to link to some of my accounts.. Most of them are private.
I started reading through Wattpad app in my handphone. It is truly amazing to read those fan fictions. I mean like OMG where do they get the ideas from. its superb . and then i was thinking. Am i able to write like them?? Can i be a writer too?? Has some ideas here and there but i did not even start. Should i go for creative writing class first before i even start writing?? Maybe from there i know whether I'm fit to write or not. Being a bookworm is totally different from writing.
As days went by, I am still thinking what i wanna do, What are my interest in. Then i realised. I love to watch Korean dramas, watching k-pop and Japanese anime. Wouldn't it wonderful to understand them without waiting for subtitles. Or listening to your favourite k-pop idol songs and understand the meaning of the lyrics..
Slowly doing a routine of caring myself, my brain start to think a lot that makes me unable to sleep at night. Thinking and planning for myself and my children. I don't have a choice anymore and i know i can depend on other people except myself.
Firstly, i sort things out with my two older children. I told them to look for part time job so that they can be more independent. and to save up some money in order for them to go back to school next year. These things help them to keep people off their back. Well, can't depend on their fathers since both of them are ass hole. I suddenly regret of getting married for the 2nd time. Hopefully this plan go smoothly.
Secondly, i start to sort out myself. Thinking and planning what must i do in order for me to move on. I start working out even though its not regularly. i start to make a routine and hopefully i follow the routine plan for myself daily. Skincare routine keeping healthy routine etc etc.. The next thing that i need to do is to get a job and start earning. I seriously sick of this thinking all the time when i have cash with me. Should i spent it or save. calculating every cents that i have. So i need to get a job to help me pay my debts and save up in order to take up courses and to do my bucket list. the first few steps of loving myself.
Things are getting worst at home.. He continuously pick on my 2nd child and force my 3rd child to listen to him all the time. I really can't stand it anymore. He always look down on us just because we are depending on him for a living. I wanna get out from this state but i can't make any hasty decisions now in order to have my 3 babies with me. he thinks he can support us but in the end all of us knows that he will be very calculative.
I feel so lost most of the time. but i know what i have to do. I must start praying to keep myself saint. I wanna break down and cry but tears are no longer there. At times i just wanna give up but i know i cant.. My babies need me. i have to be strong and i have to plan carefully on what i have to do.. Its scary but i think you have to do what you have to do.
So i guess that is it for now. Till i rant again.
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