Assalammualaikum
I cant sleep and my tab has battery so i decided to type out some personal feelings. Usually by the time Baby Wan asleep the tab will run out of juice. Dont get me wrong. The last few post i type out mostly on the things i crocheted. But lately, i just need to let out some of the emotions im having. Like the previous post, i share about my baby girl depression. Now im just sharing the feelings im having.
Lately i feel so empty, tired, restless, guilty and sad. Cant really show that side of emotions so i put on a show. Telling people around me that i am ok. I guess, i didn't want everyone around me to be worried abt me. They have their own issues right??
I didn't pray since two weeks beforemy period came. And now my period has not stop yet. Going for a check up tomorrow. Im scared nervous not knowing the result will be. And usually when im feeling restless sad regret empty, i pray and i start pouring out how and what i feel to my creator. Cant do it now due to me still bleeding .
I feel sad at the same time. Knowing your daughter is going through depression in her adolescent age. Me being a sour puss after receiving message from dad. My older son is becoming more difficult to handle. My little one always craving for attention. Doing household chores. Thinking about financial. Pity my husband who has to work day n night just to earn money and not knowing whats going on around me.
To me sharing with someone is totally useless cos i feel that they are not in my shoes and they dont really understand what i am going through. Even though sometimes their advises hit the spot but most of the time is just like another thing to think about.
Usually i cried during my prayers pouring all out but now i feel so lost i dont know what to do. I cant pray due to my bleeding.
All i want to do is get closer to my creator, take up sewing class, sew some clothes crocheting and earn some extra income. Not listening to people telling me what to do or how i should feel is also the things i want. Not listening to other people throwing tantrums, assuming and get mad on some random things.
But i still have to full filled my duty as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunts to my family members. And i have to put my wants aside.
So thats all for tonight.
Type out soon
Lots of love
Lyea Li
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