Assalammualaikum
I cant sleep and my tab has battery so i decided to type out some personal feelings. Usually by the time Baby Wan asleep the tab will run out of juice. Dont get me wrong. The last few post i type out mostly on the things i crocheted. But lately, i just need to let out some of the emotions im having. Like the previous post, i share about my baby girl depression. Now im just sharing the feelings im having.
Lately i feel so empty, tired, restless, guilty and sad. Cant really show that side of emotions so i put on a show. Telling people around me that i am ok. I guess, i didn't want everyone around me to be worried abt me. They have their own issues right??
I didn't pray since two weeks beforemy period came. And now my period has not stop yet. Going for a check up tomorrow. Im scared nervous not knowing the result will be. And usually when im feeling restless sad regret empty, i pray and i start pouring out how and what i feel to my creator. Cant do it now due to me still bleeding .
I feel sad at the same time. Knowing your daughter is going through depression in her adolescent age. Me being a sour puss after receiving message from dad. My older son is becoming more difficult to handle. My little one always craving for attention. Doing household chores. Thinking about financial. Pity my husband who has to work day n night just to earn money and not knowing whats going on around me.
To me sharing with someone is totally useless cos i feel that they are not in my shoes and they dont really understand what i am going through. Even though sometimes their advises hit the spot but most of the time is just like another thing to think about.
Usually i cried during my prayers pouring all out but now i feel so lost i dont know what to do. I cant pray due to my bleeding.
All i want to do is get closer to my creator, take up sewing class, sew some clothes crocheting and earn some extra income. Not listening to people telling me what to do or how i should feel is also the things i want. Not listening to other people throwing tantrums, assuming and get mad on some random things.
But i still have to full filled my duty as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunts to my family members. And i have to put my wants aside.
So thats all for tonight.
Type out soon
Lots of love
Lyea Li
Thursday, 9 February 2017
Wednesday, 8 February 2017
Personal Thursday 9 Feb 2017 1.25pm
Assalammualaikum
Well first of all, Baby Wan fell asleep while i was in the shower. Getting ready to visit grandma. But i guess i have to go a bit later. Early household chores done so I decided to type my blog. A personal one.
The news that shocked all of us especially me.
Around 2 weeks after Baby girl went back to school (like finally she is schooling) she gets a panic anxiety attack. She felt like someone was choking her and she felt that she cant breathe. She message my husband and he told her to come bck home. I let her rest seeing how badly she cried. Inform the teachers and done. After she woke up, i ask her whats wrong. She shared and i told her that she need to stop allowing her mind to play a trick on her. Told her that if this continues she will have to depends on meds.
Days passed and she was unwell. She went to a polyclinicand told the doctor what happen. The doctor make an appointment with a psychologist at the polyclinic itself but on some other day. 24 Jan 2017 she went to see the psychologist. After she came bck home, we find out that Baby Girl has a severe panic anxiety disorder and amajor depression and she was referred to Institute of Mental Health (IMH) on the 1stbof Feb 2017.
1st Feb 2017 the day of the appt
We went to see Dr Robin a psychiatrist at Child Guidance Clinic Sunrise Wing in IMH. Went for interview and such. Due to the major depression issue Baby Girl need to see psychoterapist once a week or 2 week once. She was also given Fluoxetine for her depression and hydrozine for her to sleep better at night. We still need to see her psychiatrist once her medicine is finish to see how she cope.
Regretting for not looking after my first two born by ownself and allowing others to look after them. The blaming game start after i message and inform the rest of my family members. I dont blame anyone else but myself. Angry sad disappointed with myself. I was young but i was selfish. I didnt even once stop and think abt my children's feelings.. i tot "hey my family members are there to look after why must i worry" "they are in good hands" ....
How can i forget how my family members are. When you are smart they will make decisions that is best for you. Little did i know that by having high expectations put pressure on my babies.
So my husband and i, are trying our best to help our baby girl. Trying to include in all our family activities.. be there for the children. Getting more strict on what people say to my babies.
Words are sharper than knife. Some words will make you lose your self confidence.. some will make you think you have to try harder much much harder in everything you do.. you will intend to be a perfectionist. Some will make you feel that average is nvr enough.
So my advise to all parents out there whether you are one right now or going to be one... spend more time with your babies. Allow them to treat you as their bestfriend. Let them know that you got their back. Assure them that no matter what happen you are always there for them. Money can be earn anytime but the bond the time is very precious when you have children. Do not let other people including your family members be little your children. Do not let them teach you how to be a good parent. Follow your instinct.
Remember once something happen to your children, not only you will have to spent your time n money finding cure for them but you will regret it for the rest of your life. Nothing can change it. Its already happen.
So stay happy spend time with your love ones appreciate them more.. And if you are a muslims dont forget that Allah is always here for us.. pray to him and remember him always.
Till i type again..
Lots of love,
Lyea Li
Well first of all, Baby Wan fell asleep while i was in the shower. Getting ready to visit grandma. But i guess i have to go a bit later. Early household chores done so I decided to type my blog. A personal one.
The news that shocked all of us especially me.
Around 2 weeks after Baby girl went back to school (like finally she is schooling) she gets a panic anxiety attack. She felt like someone was choking her and she felt that she cant breathe. She message my husband and he told her to come bck home. I let her rest seeing how badly she cried. Inform the teachers and done. After she woke up, i ask her whats wrong. She shared and i told her that she need to stop allowing her mind to play a trick on her. Told her that if this continues she will have to depends on meds.
Days passed and she was unwell. She went to a polyclinicand told the doctor what happen. The doctor make an appointment with a psychologist at the polyclinic itself but on some other day. 24 Jan 2017 she went to see the psychologist. After she came bck home, we find out that Baby Girl has a severe panic anxiety disorder and amajor depression and she was referred to Institute of Mental Health (IMH) on the 1stbof Feb 2017.
1st Feb 2017 the day of the appt
We went to see Dr Robin a psychiatrist at Child Guidance Clinic Sunrise Wing in IMH. Went for interview and such. Due to the major depression issue Baby Girl need to see psychoterapist once a week or 2 week once. She was also given Fluoxetine for her depression and hydrozine for her to sleep better at night. We still need to see her psychiatrist once her medicine is finish to see how she cope.
Regretting for not looking after my first two born by ownself and allowing others to look after them. The blaming game start after i message and inform the rest of my family members. I dont blame anyone else but myself. Angry sad disappointed with myself. I was young but i was selfish. I didnt even once stop and think abt my children's feelings.. i tot "hey my family members are there to look after why must i worry" "they are in good hands" ....
How can i forget how my family members are. When you are smart they will make decisions that is best for you. Little did i know that by having high expectations put pressure on my babies.
So my husband and i, are trying our best to help our baby girl. Trying to include in all our family activities.. be there for the children. Getting more strict on what people say to my babies.
Words are sharper than knife. Some words will make you lose your self confidence.. some will make you think you have to try harder much much harder in everything you do.. you will intend to be a perfectionist. Some will make you feel that average is nvr enough.
So my advise to all parents out there whether you are one right now or going to be one... spend more time with your babies. Allow them to treat you as their bestfriend. Let them know that you got their back. Assure them that no matter what happen you are always there for them. Money can be earn anytime but the bond the time is very precious when you have children. Do not let other people including your family members be little your children. Do not let them teach you how to be a good parent. Follow your instinct.
Remember once something happen to your children, not only you will have to spent your time n money finding cure for them but you will regret it for the rest of your life. Nothing can change it. Its already happen.
So stay happy spend time with your love ones appreciate them more.. And if you are a muslims dont forget that Allah is always here for us.. pray to him and remember him always.
Till i type again..
Lots of love,
Lyea Li
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